Theses are my resolutions for the 2012 New Year in full color... to be myself, to speak freely, to feel deeply and to love unconditionally & stop being so weight obessesed, I'll eat what I like. So there you have it my dreams for this year are simply to reclaim a forgetten, lost part of myself.
I won't be hitting the gym and then losing my interest as usual. I won't act, dress, say or do the things I feel best to fit in because for so very long I have been stowing my true self away in the process and I hate it.
I will not guard myself so tightly against love that is impossible to discover... or to recieve. There are so many kinds of love in the world and to protect myself I've shut myself out of experieriencing any of it fully -- without conditions. Nomore! If I get hurt at least I know I was capable of feeling the true depth of that emotion and being all the stronger for surviving and then again... who says love of any kind has to be so bad?
I resolve to tell you who I am when you see me on the street. I won't pretend to be a trumped up version of exactally who you'd love to meet. So the opportunity that we would clash in a debate is high, but I love to debate and have the uptmost respect for those who can hang in there for what to the naked eye seems to be only an arguement. When maybe infact I am testing you... seeing just how far you can go and still stick around. It really is an aquired art form if you ask me.
I guess that is what's missing in me some can call it the fight, the spirit, the soul or the essence, but that kind of tell-it-like-it-is-candor meshed with compassion and love that's me -- truly me. When I am in a situation where I don't think someone would take me the right way I slowly feel myself start to conform to those around me where the chief concern is last night's football stat's and the glory days are those at the local high school. It has become an issue of survival to attempt to blend in when I still at least had a little shine left, but nomore!
This is what I resolve...