"I myself am in storage." (Elizabeth Wurtzel )
Inside I feel this extreme intensity that both propels me forward toward my goals and at the same time screams at me to run. It screams at me of the past reminding me of every one of my failings. Quick put on a smiling face so no one can see you. Deep inside you, there's so much to remember, to feel and for good or bad I'm just stuck. I can completely relate to being "in storage."
Every fuck-up, screw-up, what-ever... just makes me feel all that much less. I mean what really is there out here wherever that may be for a woman like me? Nothing has happened so far and that's because nothing was ever supposed to happen -- not to me. I've become slightly angoraphobic as of late and each day is a struggle to leave to leave my front door.
How do I see myself? I am nothing. I am nobody. I know this because b/c this is how the world I walk in treats me. I give up. I miss my friends and people that relly get me instead of having to explain myself to people all the time.