Moving forward pushing back memories of the past and packing only the baggage I can continue to weigh upon my shoulders, my heart and my mind. Packing the past away to move forward isn't so easy. I speak in stories and live in memories, I just need to unpack the bad times and leave them behind. I'm sure they'll tug at my heartstrings to stay since they'll feel abandonned as they've always just been with me no matter where i've lived -- even when there was no room for thier negativity, I made space for them. This time I am saying a very heartbreaking goodbye to my baggage this time there's no room, no time for them to filter through my thoughts.
Leaving it all behind doesn't mean I haven't learned from the negativity that has been my comfort for far too long. In its place silence where nagging doubts have been a part of my daily battle. joy will replace mere existance. Laughter and love will fill my heart where before my heart's only song was the beat beat beat of apathy where compassion was longing. It will be much easier to demolish my home of doubt than to build anew...
Fear will try and taunt me at every new turn trying to sell me my baggage, "it's warm & it's all you've known." "it's comfortable." "why change now?" and "what if..." And, everytime I want to give in someone will remind me to just breathe. In that small breath I'll close my eyes and catch a glimpse of my 'ole self. a young woman in a muddy powerchair covered with with laughing and smiling kids. I dropped kicked their baggage and why is it so acceptable for me? -- It's not.
It's all just one breath at a time.
Just remember to breathe.